Bearing Up With Ourselves When We Simply Feel Rotten

Last time we talked about down days at work. We saw how they could be turned into an "offer up" opportunity.

While down days can have many causes, one of them could be us. We just feel rotten. And we're not only talking just about physical suffering (injury, sickness). Psychological and/or emotional suffering can be even worse sometimes. 

Father Daniel Considine recognizes and addresses psychological, emotional, and spiritual suffering as peculiar to our times. He claims that in the past, people didn't face the sorts of conditions that have enriched the coffers of pharmaceutical companies these days. At least they didn't face them as much.

But he's got some encouraging words for those of us in a mental or emotional slump:

"Bear with yourself, your depression, gloom, moods, and variability of temper. To bear with one’s self is an act of great virtue. A very great deal of evil comes from the fact that a fit of nerves is so often mistaken for something wrong with the soul…We feel rotten. Not to lose patience with ourselves when we feel rotten is a very high virtue. The worst form of nerves is depression. People really believe that they have lost faith, hope, love, everything. It is a very great trial. St Teresa says: ‘The worst of sickness is that it so weakens you, you cannot fix your thoughts on God.’ But this is of no consequence. It is the doing for God that is important, not the thinking of God. It is a very great trial to many of us to be unable to get every day to Holy Communion. But to bear quietly without weakness (without giving up), because it is His Will, pleases Him a great deal more than the most fervent Communion we ever made. Headaches are a great trial. We cannot pray with a ‘head’; but if we bear with ourselves it is more meritorious than the best of prayers.” (This quotation is taken from a spiritual letter of Father Daniel Considine, S.J.)

I'd never really thought about needing to "bear with one's self." When bad moods - or worse - take hold, I mostly try to "manage" them in some way. Fortunately - so far - I've been able to do this such that things don't get too bad, or out of control. (I realize that's not always the case for some of us.)

Father suggests this "bearing up" should focus on "not to lose patience with ourselves." He even calls it a "very high virtue." Being patient with others can be a real challenge. But what about being patient with ourselves? I think I'm better with the former than the latter. "Take it easy" might be a good sign to plaster on the wall in front of my laptop on certain days. But at least I recognize that grinding my teeth and berating myself for those "unforgivable" mistakes and screw ups I occasionally make really doesn't accomplish anything.

As for outright depression, Father calls it the "worst form of nerves," a "very great trial." If truly depressed, you can believe that you've "lost faith, hope, love, everything." And when this extends to our spiritual life, look out below. 

When we can manage to find consolation in our spiritual life, it can be a great help if we're depressed over matters related to this world, this life. But when our spiritual life has the guts ripped out of it, we really wind up lost and gasping for air. 

If you've ever wondered why we constantly try to connect our work life with our spiritual life, this may be a good way to "get it." We need to keep our spiritual life on fire during the work day. We can't let our work - the busy-ness it entails - keep us from our religious and spiritual works. For example, to the extent possible, we try to carve out time even during busy work days for some prayer, maybe attend daily Mass, recite the rosary, get to Confession, etc. Giving up such pious practices, or skipping our daily spiritual reading because we "too busy" leaves our spiritual life exposed to a "fit of nerves" that, as Father puts it,
"is so often mistaken for something wrong with the soul." 

If we isolate our feeling rotten from our spiritual life, we have that spiritual life to lift us out of our feeling rotten. If we don't, we've lost one of the great benefits of strong spiritual life. Yes, the primary benefit should be growing closer to God, loving Him more. But there's no reason to overlook those benefits that accrue to us in our everyday tasks, whether at work or elsewhere. 

Father's final point really stood out. It addresses the whole issue of our feeling rotten causing us to - possibly - ignore or neglect our spiritual life. He refers to feeling rotten as "a head.": "We cannot pray with a ‘head’; but if we bear with ourselves it is more meritorious than the best of prayers.”

So even if we are thrown off our normal prayers, meditation, and other practices, we can still show our love for God. Just "bear with ourselves," i.e., be patient with ourselves. Done in the right spirit, even better consciously offering our difficulties up to our loving Father, we can gain merit in the midst of our misery.

Thought of this way, it's hard not to be overwhelmed with by the Goodness and Love of God, isn't it?

We adore Thee O Christ and we bless Thee. Because by Thy Holy Cross Thou hast redeemed the world.