I've Been Really Struggling With This Lately - But It Looks Like Saint Benildus Can Help
Admission: I've been really struggling at work lately. Oh, I've managed to get things done well and on time. But it's been challenging in a way I've not faced in the past.
We've been talking about anxiety and stress at work. And that's a part of it. But it's what's causing that anxiety and stress that makes this bout exceptional: It's got to do with the death of my son.
If you've read this blog in the past, you'll know that he died right as the New Year began. And while our family has been grieving ever since, things took a radical turn recently. For some reason, the usual waves of grief that ebb and flow have grown in intensity. Just like that. It's been some weeks now, and who knows how long it will continue. But it's really been tough getting down to work each day. And when I do, sustaining my efforts has been as hard - no harder - than it's ever been in the past...ever.
You'd think that with all my experience in dealing with adverse situations at work, with that regular habit of prayer, meditation, and spiritual reading we just talked about, I'd be able to handle this better. Not that I'd expect to just sail through the days; just that it wouldn't be so daunting. But no.
Then again, I've had no experience with losing a child. It's been a learning experience. And much of that learning has been painful - extraordinarily painful.
Yet, on a recent morning when I had spent an unsettled night fitfully sleeping between bouts of thinking about my son, I came across this passage in my spiritual reading. As is frequently the case, it just sort of popped up - at exactly the right time. It's not addressing the issue of grief, or how to deal with anxiety or stress at work. It's an extract from Pope Pius XI declaration of St. Benildus as "Vernerable."
Have you ever heard of this saint? I've learned that he's apparently a patron saint for all of us who who lead "ordinary" lives and go through the daily grind of each day. He was eventually canonized a saint by Pope Paul VI in 1967. In any case, these words from Pope Pius XI, written in 1928, really helped to calm me down. They've also helped me to return to simply performing the regular duties of my state of life as best I can - in spite of the extraordinary circumstances of losing my oldest child.
Here's what Pius XI had to say about St. Benildus. I've added some bold.
“…A humble servant of God, whose life consisted only of modesty and silence, entirely commonplace and ordinary. But how uncommon and unordinary is such ordinariness as this! The daily round, always the same, with the same weaknesses, the same troubles, might well be called the ‘terrible daily routine.’ What fortitude then, is needed to resist this terrible, crushing, monotonous, suffocating daily round! We need uncommon virtue to carry out with uncommon fidelity – or rather without that infidelity, negligence, and superficiality which are so common and everyday and ordinary – that mass of common things which fills our daily lives. Holy Church shows herself at her most just and most wise as a teacher of holiness when she exalts these humble lights, so often ignored by those who have been favored by seeing them shining before their very eyes. Extraordinary deeds, important events, great enterprises need only to be seen to awaken the highest instincts of all; but the commonplace, the ordinary, the daily round, with no relief and no splendor about it, has no power to excite or fascinate. And yet it is this which makes up the lives of most people – a life which is ordinarily woven only of common things and daily happenings…How often do extraordinary things arise in the course of a lifetime? They are rare indeed, and woe to us if sanctity were restricted to extraordinary circumstances! What then would the majority of men do? For we must declare the truth: to all without exception comes the call to sanctity!”
Despite the terrible misfortune of losing a child and the daunting days since, I've had to return to this "daily round" of ordinary work. Basically, you just plow ahead. Besides, what else can you do? Your duties need doing.
It's helped immensely to be reminded that in that ordinary daily work lies the road to sanctity. And so with these encouraging words and the intercession of St. Benildus, I'll just go about my business as best I can.
We've been talking about anxiety and stress at work. And that's a part of it. But it's what's causing that anxiety and stress that makes this bout exceptional: It's got to do with the death of my son.
If you've read this blog in the past, you'll know that he died right as the New Year began. And while our family has been grieving ever since, things took a radical turn recently. For some reason, the usual waves of grief that ebb and flow have grown in intensity. Just like that. It's been some weeks now, and who knows how long it will continue. But it's really been tough getting down to work each day. And when I do, sustaining my efforts has been as hard - no harder - than it's ever been in the past...ever.
You'd think that with all my experience in dealing with adverse situations at work, with that regular habit of prayer, meditation, and spiritual reading we just talked about, I'd be able to handle this better. Not that I'd expect to just sail through the days; just that it wouldn't be so daunting. But no.
Then again, I've had no experience with losing a child. It's been a learning experience. And much of that learning has been painful - extraordinarily painful.
Yet, on a recent morning when I had spent an unsettled night fitfully sleeping between bouts of thinking about my son, I came across this passage in my spiritual reading. As is frequently the case, it just sort of popped up - at exactly the right time. It's not addressing the issue of grief, or how to deal with anxiety or stress at work. It's an extract from Pope Pius XI declaration of St. Benildus as "Vernerable."
Have you ever heard of this saint? I've learned that he's apparently a patron saint for all of us who who lead "ordinary" lives and go through the daily grind of each day. He was eventually canonized a saint by Pope Paul VI in 1967. In any case, these words from Pope Pius XI, written in 1928, really helped to calm me down. They've also helped me to return to simply performing the regular duties of my state of life as best I can - in spite of the extraordinary circumstances of losing my oldest child.
Here's what Pius XI had to say about St. Benildus. I've added some bold.
“…A humble servant of God, whose life consisted only of modesty and silence, entirely commonplace and ordinary. But how uncommon and unordinary is such ordinariness as this! The daily round, always the same, with the same weaknesses, the same troubles, might well be called the ‘terrible daily routine.’ What fortitude then, is needed to resist this terrible, crushing, monotonous, suffocating daily round! We need uncommon virtue to carry out with uncommon fidelity – or rather without that infidelity, negligence, and superficiality which are so common and everyday and ordinary – that mass of common things which fills our daily lives. Holy Church shows herself at her most just and most wise as a teacher of holiness when she exalts these humble lights, so often ignored by those who have been favored by seeing them shining before their very eyes. Extraordinary deeds, important events, great enterprises need only to be seen to awaken the highest instincts of all; but the commonplace, the ordinary, the daily round, with no relief and no splendor about it, has no power to excite or fascinate. And yet it is this which makes up the lives of most people – a life which is ordinarily woven only of common things and daily happenings…How often do extraordinary things arise in the course of a lifetime? They are rare indeed, and woe to us if sanctity were restricted to extraordinary circumstances! What then would the majority of men do? For we must declare the truth: to all without exception comes the call to sanctity!”
Despite the terrible misfortune of losing a child and the daunting days since, I've had to return to this "daily round" of ordinary work. Basically, you just plow ahead. Besides, what else can you do? Your duties need doing.
It's helped immensely to be reminded that in that ordinary daily work lies the road to sanctity. And so with these encouraging words and the intercession of St. Benildus, I'll just go about my business as best I can.
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