A Sixth Day of Christmas Thought: Is Your Family Involved in Your Work?
This question popped up when I was reading Scripture right before Christmas. I thought I'd share it with you on this Sixth Day of Christmas: Is your family involved in your work? Experience informs me some families are and some aren't involved in the breadwinner's (or breadwinners') work.
(When I was growing up, the father was pretty much sole breadwinner. Now it's complicated. Two parents working - whether out of necessity or choice - is more the norm. But sticking with our theme of Catholic men at work, we'll look at this from the husband and/or father's perspective.)
A guy I know feels his wife doesn't appreciate what he does, in fact, doesn't take any interest at all in his work. He wants her to ask how his day went, but she's always tied up with the kids and never does. More than this, he wants her to take an active interest in his business. He feels kind of isolated and alone because she doesn't.
While I sometimes want to tell this fellow to get over it and just go about his business, I understand how he feels because there was a period of time when I thought the same way. Not so coincidentally, it was when our kids were little, my wife home-schooled them, and, frankly, she really didn't have the time or the physical and mental energy to devote to my work. She had enough of her own. Naturally I was too self-centered to see any of this at the time. Sure I knew she worked hard, but, hey, what about me? Thankfully, by the grace of God, reality eventually penetrated the self-centered crust that kept others, even my own family, at bay, while I concentrated most of my waking moments on me. Maybe this guy's got the same problem.
On the other hand, there are those guys whose wives do take an active interest in their work. In a few cases, it's simply an interest, but in others the interest goes deeper. For example, some small businessmen I've known employ their wives, usually in bookkeeping or other administrative positions. So the wife knows everything about the business and in some cases they're like partners, if not in fact partners. In other cases, particularly with executives of bigger companies, I've seen women more or less "coaching" their husbands as they work their way up the corporate ladder, giving them advice on how to get ahead.
I don't know whether any of these scenarios - and there are many other variations - are necessarily good or bad in and of themselves. I don't think there's any one "right" kind or degree of involvement. Some of us might want more or less. I know that once I got over my self-centeredness (at least in that one area - I'm still working on a gazillion other areas), I haven't had an overarching desire to involve my wife in my work. On the other hand, I'm fortunate in that she does patiently listen - now that home-schooling is behind us - when I talk about what I'm working on, and even offers what are frequently helpful bits of advice or insight about whatever situation or problem I bring up. (Maybe if that guy who feels unappreciated just talked about his work, his wife - when she's got a few minutes respite from raising and educated the kids and running the household - might pipe up with a suggestion or two. I don't know.)
In any case, next time we'll look at a famous father who not only took an interest in his son's work, but predicted exactly what work he would do pretty much when he was born. It's something I stumbled across in the days leading up to this past Christmas.
Until then,
(When I was growing up, the father was pretty much sole breadwinner. Now it's complicated. Two parents working - whether out of necessity or choice - is more the norm. But sticking with our theme of Catholic men at work, we'll look at this from the husband and/or father's perspective.)
A guy I know feels his wife doesn't appreciate what he does, in fact, doesn't take any interest at all in his work. He wants her to ask how his day went, but she's always tied up with the kids and never does. More than this, he wants her to take an active interest in his business. He feels kind of isolated and alone because she doesn't.
While I sometimes want to tell this fellow to get over it and just go about his business, I understand how he feels because there was a period of time when I thought the same way. Not so coincidentally, it was when our kids were little, my wife home-schooled them, and, frankly, she really didn't have the time or the physical and mental energy to devote to my work. She had enough of her own. Naturally I was too self-centered to see any of this at the time. Sure I knew she worked hard, but, hey, what about me? Thankfully, by the grace of God, reality eventually penetrated the self-centered crust that kept others, even my own family, at bay, while I concentrated most of my waking moments on me. Maybe this guy's got the same problem.
On the other hand, there are those guys whose wives do take an active interest in their work. In a few cases, it's simply an interest, but in others the interest goes deeper. For example, some small businessmen I've known employ their wives, usually in bookkeeping or other administrative positions. So the wife knows everything about the business and in some cases they're like partners, if not in fact partners. In other cases, particularly with executives of bigger companies, I've seen women more or less "coaching" their husbands as they work their way up the corporate ladder, giving them advice on how to get ahead.
I don't know whether any of these scenarios - and there are many other variations - are necessarily good or bad in and of themselves. I don't think there's any one "right" kind or degree of involvement. Some of us might want more or less. I know that once I got over my self-centeredness (at least in that one area - I'm still working on a gazillion other areas), I haven't had an overarching desire to involve my wife in my work. On the other hand, I'm fortunate in that she does patiently listen - now that home-schooling is behind us - when I talk about what I'm working on, and even offers what are frequently helpful bits of advice or insight about whatever situation or problem I bring up. (Maybe if that guy who feels unappreciated just talked about his work, his wife - when she's got a few minutes respite from raising and educated the kids and running the household - might pipe up with a suggestion or two. I don't know.)
In any case, next time we'll look at a famous father who not only took an interest in his son's work, but predicted exactly what work he would do pretty much when he was born. It's something I stumbled across in the days leading up to this past Christmas.
Until then,
Merry Sixth Day of Christmas!
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