Saints Helping Us at Work: Dealing with Office Gossip and the Sin of Detraction - Part 2

We continue now with our critically important discussion of dealing with office gossip and the sin of detraction, using St Francis de Sales as our sure guide. Last time, our saint deftly demonstrated the dangers inherent both in words intended to harm others, as well as those words that simply escape our lips intemperately or imprudently at times. We reminded ourselves of the virtuous practice of "carefulness in conversation," which we pointed out was one of the intentions of that great prayer, "A Morning Resolve."

We now finish our discussion with our saint's advice on exactly how we can and must deal with the sort of chatter that we tend to sometimes dismiss as "mere" office gossip, but which can easily devolve into detraction. Let's turn to those situations where you're certain that a person actually has said or done something wrong. Even here, it's important to first step back and hold your tongue. This old saying comes to mind: "If you don't have something good to say about someone, don't say anything." It's a simple and good rule to follow. And St Francis explains why we should probably follow this rule most of the time:

Since the goodness of God is so immense that a single moment suffices to obtain and receive His grace, what assurance can we have that he who was yesterday a sinner may still be so today? The day that is past ought not to judge the day present, nor the present day, the day before. It is only the last day that judges all. We can, then, never say a man is wicked without exposing ourselves to the danger of lying. What we may say, if we must speak, is that he did such an act which was evil at such a time; that he does wrong now. But we must never draw consequences from yesterday as regards today, nor from today as regards yesterday, much less tomorrow.

I hope you read his words carefully here. We Catholics should understand that God's grace works on all of us all the time, a free gift given to us because of His infinite love for each and every one of us. Of course, being open to His grace, known as "cooperating" with His grace, plays a critical role in the effects His grace might have on any given individual. But we must remember that, given God's constant generous flow of graces, people can and do change all the time. Please re-read St Francis's profound words again and burn this into your mind and heart.

And yet - even with an understanding that God's grace can work wonders in even the most inveterate of sinners, unbeknownst to us, there are times when it might be acceptable, really a matter of justice, to point out someone else's vices. A simple example might be if you are with your children and observe someone engage in bad or even wicked behavior. It may be something as simple as hearing someone use bad language. Or more to the point, maybe one of your family or friends says something about another individual in front of your children, something that is either close to or outright detraction. (You can probably think of many examples yourself here.) You can't just ignore this, can you? That would send the wrong message.

But it's not just when you're with family that you may be called to speak up. People really do bad things at times in the workplace. These could range from unethical business practices, sexual harassment, or it could just be someone whose words detract from another.

Here are some specific guidelines from St Francis de Sales we can follow when addressing situations like this:

To justly blame the vices of another it is necessary that we should have in view the profit either of the person spoken of or those to whom we speak. My tongue, while I am speaking of my neighbor, shall be in my mouth like a knife in the hand of a surgeon, who would cut between the nerves and the sinews. The blow I shall give shall be just if it be neither more nor less than the truth. Above all it must be our principal care, in blaming any vice, to spare as much as possible the person who gives way to it. If you hear any slander, make the charge doubtful, if you can do it justly. If you cannot, excuse the intention of the party accused. If that cannot be done, express a compassion for him, change the topic of conversation, remembering that they who do not fall owe their happiness to God alone. Recall the detractor to himself in some gentle way and say something good of the person accused if you can.

Notice both the good intention and the care we should exercise here. While prudence might dictate our speaking out, the virtue of temperance demands that our words be perfectly truthful, not more or less truthful. The rest of our saint's instruction calls for not only care, but also supreme charity towards others, in addition to complete humility on our part if and when words to another are necessary.

I hope you found these two posts helpful both in calling attention to the problems inherent in office gossip, as well as the ensuing discussion guided by the advice proffered by Saint Francis de Sales. If nothing else, please watch what you say about others, although it's most likely best to avoid gossip altogether.

And don't forget: This Saturday brings us the glorious feast of All Saints.