To Do and Not To Do, Part 4
Here are the items identified in the last post, with my comments:
Not to Give Way to Anger
I don't know about you, but I struggle with my temper. Funny thing is, I used to think I was even-tempered, almost mild-mannered. I had stopped blowing my cork and shouting a long time ago - like when I exited my teen years, got married and started having children. But now I see that a lot of that change was cosmetic. Not that toning down isn't a good thing in itself. But the fact is that old bad temper just boils below the surface just as much as it ever did. I just keep the lid on more now.
So how do you actually "not give way" to anger besides keeping the lid on? For me, I think it's more a matter of pride and lack of humility that causes most of my anger. I'm not talking about justifiable anger, like when the New York State legislature passed that ridiculous bill making "gay marriage" legal. I'm talking about stuff like when my wife or kids say something I don't like - or, more accurately, things that "offend" me in some way.
The key here is offend me. If New York's legislature does something like passing that bill, it's objectively wrong. "I" don't really matter. When I get angry at something like that, it's because I'm angry that an injustice has been done.
Of course, you can also say that when one of my kids speaks in a way that's disrespectful, an injustice has been done. Getting angry at that injustice makes sense, I suppose. But then there are all those times when one of them just says something forcefully, you know to make a point because maybe I'm being stubborn and pig-headed when we discussing or arguing about something, and then I take offense and get angry. Hey, they've got a good point and they're trying to make it; I act like a bully by either shouting them down, or getting sarcastic or something, they naturally respond and then I get angry if their response is a bit heated.
Oops. I think I'm saying more than I really want to say here. But, painful as it is to admit, it's true. I've been known to assert my "authority" at the wrong times. I suspect other fathers may have this trait too (at least I hope some other fathers do; either that or I'm more of an ogre than I thought). In any case, I'm sharing this with you because I wanted to try to give you an example of a situation where giving in to anger is really awfully bad.
Now, what about those "justified" situations? I think the point is that, even there, you shouldn't "give in" to anger. I take "give in" to mean that the anger kind of takes over and you just lose your temper and say things, or say them in a way, that's meant to hurt the other person. And even just anger doesn't justify hurting another person.
Well, this has been a bit long-winded, but I hope you get the point.
Now I'm going to have to end this post because of my long-windedness here. The fact is, I've got to get back to work. Next time I'll pick up with...
Not to Forsake Charity
To Refer What Good One Sees in Himself Not to Self But to God
But as to Any Evil in Himself, Let Him be Convinced That It is His Own and Charge it to Himself
- Not to Give Way to Anger
- Not to Forsake Charity
- To Refer What Good One Sees in Himself Not to Self But to God
- But as to Any Evil in Himself, Let Him be Convinced That It is His Own and Charge it to Himself
Not to Give Way to Anger
I don't know about you, but I struggle with my temper. Funny thing is, I used to think I was even-tempered, almost mild-mannered. I had stopped blowing my cork and shouting a long time ago - like when I exited my teen years, got married and started having children. But now I see that a lot of that change was cosmetic. Not that toning down isn't a good thing in itself. But the fact is that old bad temper just boils below the surface just as much as it ever did. I just keep the lid on more now.
So how do you actually "not give way" to anger besides keeping the lid on? For me, I think it's more a matter of pride and lack of humility that causes most of my anger. I'm not talking about justifiable anger, like when the New York State legislature passed that ridiculous bill making "gay marriage" legal. I'm talking about stuff like when my wife or kids say something I don't like - or, more accurately, things that "offend" me in some way.
The key here is offend me. If New York's legislature does something like passing that bill, it's objectively wrong. "I" don't really matter. When I get angry at something like that, it's because I'm angry that an injustice has been done.
Of course, you can also say that when one of my kids speaks in a way that's disrespectful, an injustice has been done. Getting angry at that injustice makes sense, I suppose. But then there are all those times when one of them just says something forcefully, you know to make a point because maybe I'm being stubborn and pig-headed when we discussing or arguing about something, and then I take offense and get angry. Hey, they've got a good point and they're trying to make it; I act like a bully by either shouting them down, or getting sarcastic or something, they naturally respond and then I get angry if their response is a bit heated.
Oops. I think I'm saying more than I really want to say here. But, painful as it is to admit, it's true. I've been known to assert my "authority" at the wrong times. I suspect other fathers may have this trait too (at least I hope some other fathers do; either that or I'm more of an ogre than I thought). In any case, I'm sharing this with you because I wanted to try to give you an example of a situation where giving in to anger is really awfully bad.
Now, what about those "justified" situations? I think the point is that, even there, you shouldn't "give in" to anger. I take "give in" to mean that the anger kind of takes over and you just lose your temper and say things, or say them in a way, that's meant to hurt the other person. And even just anger doesn't justify hurting another person.
Well, this has been a bit long-winded, but I hope you get the point.
Now I'm going to have to end this post because of my long-windedness here. The fact is, I've got to get back to work. Next time I'll pick up with...
Not to Forsake Charity
To Refer What Good One Sees in Himself Not to Self But to God
But as to Any Evil in Himself, Let Him be Convinced That It is His Own and Charge it to Himself
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