Do you talk about others at work?
People talk about others at work all the time. It's so common. We Catholic men at work need to guard against this.
Talking about others can be a perfectly natural thing. Sometimes it's necessary. If you're really interested in a colleague and their work, but haven't seen them in a while, you might ask someone what they're up to and how they're doing. Then there's gossip.
Gossip sentences usually start with a phrase like, "Did you hear about...", or "Can you believe what so-and-so did..." Any gossip is bad. But you probably already knew that.
But even if you don't gossip, you still have to watch what you say about others. Think of the term "loose-lipped" and you'll know what I mean.
The fact is, it's easy to be loose-lipped when you work with people closely, for a long time. You've got to guard against being loose-lipped.
Loose-lipped is when you say something about someone that leaves the wrong impression. The reason I use the phrase "loose-lipped" is that I think it describes why we sometimes say things we would rather not have said, or maybe even would want to take back. We may not have meant to say anything wrong, but the words just sort of slip out of our mouths.
A simple example might be: "I really feel bad for Bob that his kid had that car accident. Bob told me he was pretty upset about it."
Sounds pretty straightforward, but without some explanation you just open up a can of worms. Why did the kid have the accident? Who got upset - Bob or his kid? If Bob got upset, why was he so upset? If you don't explain, you'll just fire up someone's imagination. Maybe they'll imagine the kid was driving drunk. You just don't know.
Besides, maybe Bob told you about this and didn't really want anyone else to know. Now you've let the cat out of the bag. And don't think the person you told this to won't go and tell someone else. Pretty soon everyone knows. And what they know will probably be the furthest thing from the truth. It's just human nature. Things get exaggerated and distorted as one person tells the next person.
Should Bob have told you not to tell anyone else? Probably. But maybe he forgot. Or maybe he thought you wouldn't tell anyone else. Whatever the reason, you're the one that spread the story. It's just better not to repeat what someone tells you.
Loose-lipped can also be when you think you're giving someone some "insight" into another person in your company. It's like the stuff my old boss used to say about colleagues of ours.
This boss was pretty good at understanding people and their agendas and motivations. He probably thought he was helping me out when he would give me the lowdown on someone to whom I was presenting an idea or proposing a project. The thing is, with the people he liked, his evaluation was pretty straightforward and fair. But with people he didn't like, he could say things that could undermine your respect or regard for them.
Again, it's human nature that you're more charitable with someone you like. But, of course, we Christians are called to love even our enemies. And making nasty or even undermining comments about someone isn't very charitable.
So I guess it all comes down to an old saying: if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything.
It's not like you need to be fearful about saying anything. It's just like when you exercise. You discipline your muscles so they'll function efficiently without you're having to think about it. Just do the same anytime you're thinking of saying anything about someone else. Just stop for a minute before you say anything. Chances are, unless it's some compliment, or something else nice you're going to say, you probably don't want to say it at all.
Get those lips into shape!
Talking about others can be a perfectly natural thing. Sometimes it's necessary. If you're really interested in a colleague and their work, but haven't seen them in a while, you might ask someone what they're up to and how they're doing. Then there's gossip.
Gossip sentences usually start with a phrase like, "Did you hear about...", or "Can you believe what so-and-so did..." Any gossip is bad. But you probably already knew that.
But even if you don't gossip, you still have to watch what you say about others. Think of the term "loose-lipped" and you'll know what I mean.
The fact is, it's easy to be loose-lipped when you work with people closely, for a long time. You've got to guard against being loose-lipped.
Loose-lipped is when you say something about someone that leaves the wrong impression. The reason I use the phrase "loose-lipped" is that I think it describes why we sometimes say things we would rather not have said, or maybe even would want to take back. We may not have meant to say anything wrong, but the words just sort of slip out of our mouths.
A simple example might be: "I really feel bad for Bob that his kid had that car accident. Bob told me he was pretty upset about it."
Sounds pretty straightforward, but without some explanation you just open up a can of worms. Why did the kid have the accident? Who got upset - Bob or his kid? If Bob got upset, why was he so upset? If you don't explain, you'll just fire up someone's imagination. Maybe they'll imagine the kid was driving drunk. You just don't know.
Besides, maybe Bob told you about this and didn't really want anyone else to know. Now you've let the cat out of the bag. And don't think the person you told this to won't go and tell someone else. Pretty soon everyone knows. And what they know will probably be the furthest thing from the truth. It's just human nature. Things get exaggerated and distorted as one person tells the next person.
Should Bob have told you not to tell anyone else? Probably. But maybe he forgot. Or maybe he thought you wouldn't tell anyone else. Whatever the reason, you're the one that spread the story. It's just better not to repeat what someone tells you.
Loose-lipped can also be when you think you're giving someone some "insight" into another person in your company. It's like the stuff my old boss used to say about colleagues of ours.
This boss was pretty good at understanding people and their agendas and motivations. He probably thought he was helping me out when he would give me the lowdown on someone to whom I was presenting an idea or proposing a project. The thing is, with the people he liked, his evaluation was pretty straightforward and fair. But with people he didn't like, he could say things that could undermine your respect or regard for them.
Again, it's human nature that you're more charitable with someone you like. But, of course, we Christians are called to love even our enemies. And making nasty or even undermining comments about someone isn't very charitable.
So I guess it all comes down to an old saying: if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything.
It's not like you need to be fearful about saying anything. It's just like when you exercise. You discipline your muscles so they'll function efficiently without you're having to think about it. Just do the same anytime you're thinking of saying anything about someone else. Just stop for a minute before you say anything. Chances are, unless it's some compliment, or something else nice you're going to say, you probably don't want to say it at all.
Get those lips into shape!
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