Why I was Embarassed On The Feast of St Thomas Aquinas
The feast of St Thomas Aquinas last week found me embarrassed. Not that I missed it or anything. Fortunately, I did check my liturgical calendar that morning (as I try to do every morning). Even though I had forgotten that St Thomas feast day was coming, I managed to catch it early enough that day so that I could say a special prayer for one of my sons who's been influenced in a special way by St Thomas and early enough so that when I got to Mass in the morning I wasn't surprised when the priest put in a few well-chosen words about the Angelic Doctor.
But I'm embarrassed nonetheless because I didn't eat my own cooking. The last post I put up was about trusting in Jesus, totally, all the time, even while we're in the midst of our busy day at work. So what did I do?
Well, I posted that comment on the feast of St Thomas, as it turns out. I later proof-read the post. I do that all the time, just to make sure it basically reads OK and that I didn't miss any obvious grammatical errors of misspellings (I still miss some!). This blog stuff does take some time, you know.
So as I'm reading and thinking, "Hey, this isn't half bad," it hits me like ton of bricks. I started my workday without any recollection, without my prayer to Jesus on the Cross, without my special morning prayer that I've been trying to say every day. I shot right past what's important just because I got a little later start on the day and was feeling a bit anxious, like I needed to catch up and just get the day going.
So I put me first, and Jesus second. That's what I mean about not eating my own cooking.
Now I'm not saying we all don't do this from time to time. We give advice sometimes that we ourselves don't always take. It's a fault, no doubt. But this time it really struck me, really hit home.
What really hit home, and what embarrassed me even more was not only that I didn't take my own advice, or eat my own cooking. It was that this happened on the feast of St Thomas Aquinas. Here's why.
St Thomas' work - his writing - was massive. It was brilliant. It influenced the history of the Church for centuries, right on up until today. We Catholics are all influenced by his work and indebted to him. He was beyond any shadow of a doubt, one of the greatest figures in Church history. Heck, he was one of the greatest and most influential figures in Western civilization.
Yet towards the end of his life he had a vision. We don't know what he saw. But after he had his vision, he said that all of his work was like straw compared to what he had seen. In the blink of an eye, this great man and saint saw that even his wonderful work - the product of much arduous labor - was as straw compared to the glory of God. He didn't hesitate a moment to recognize this great Truth.
This was a man who clearly put Jesus first all the time. This was a man who relied totally on God for everything, all the time. How else do you think he could see, after a lifetime of producing some of the great philosophical and theological works in history, that all of his work was mere straw compared to the glory of God.
And here I was, a bit late getting my day started, shooting right by Our Lord and getting down to what was obviously most important to me - my work.
Anyway, I hope you see why I was so embarrassed.
St Thomas, please pray for me. Please pray that Our Lord will grant me the grace to work as you worked - for His greater glory, not mine.
But I'm embarrassed nonetheless because I didn't eat my own cooking. The last post I put up was about trusting in Jesus, totally, all the time, even while we're in the midst of our busy day at work. So what did I do?
Well, I posted that comment on the feast of St Thomas, as it turns out. I later proof-read the post. I do that all the time, just to make sure it basically reads OK and that I didn't miss any obvious grammatical errors of misspellings (I still miss some!). This blog stuff does take some time, you know.
So as I'm reading and thinking, "Hey, this isn't half bad," it hits me like ton of bricks. I started my workday without any recollection, without my prayer to Jesus on the Cross, without my special morning prayer that I've been trying to say every day. I shot right past what's important just because I got a little later start on the day and was feeling a bit anxious, like I needed to catch up and just get the day going.
So I put me first, and Jesus second. That's what I mean about not eating my own cooking.
Now I'm not saying we all don't do this from time to time. We give advice sometimes that we ourselves don't always take. It's a fault, no doubt. But this time it really struck me, really hit home.
What really hit home, and what embarrassed me even more was not only that I didn't take my own advice, or eat my own cooking. It was that this happened on the feast of St Thomas Aquinas. Here's why.
St Thomas' work - his writing - was massive. It was brilliant. It influenced the history of the Church for centuries, right on up until today. We Catholics are all influenced by his work and indebted to him. He was beyond any shadow of a doubt, one of the greatest figures in Church history. Heck, he was one of the greatest and most influential figures in Western civilization.
Yet towards the end of his life he had a vision. We don't know what he saw. But after he had his vision, he said that all of his work was like straw compared to what he had seen. In the blink of an eye, this great man and saint saw that even his wonderful work - the product of much arduous labor - was as straw compared to the glory of God. He didn't hesitate a moment to recognize this great Truth.
This was a man who clearly put Jesus first all the time. This was a man who relied totally on God for everything, all the time. How else do you think he could see, after a lifetime of producing some of the great philosophical and theological works in history, that all of his work was mere straw compared to the glory of God.
And here I was, a bit late getting my day started, shooting right by Our Lord and getting down to what was obviously most important to me - my work.
Anyway, I hope you see why I was so embarrassed.
St Thomas, please pray for me. Please pray that Our Lord will grant me the grace to work as you worked - for His greater glory, not mine.
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